Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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