I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
