eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
