im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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