The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
