my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
