I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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