He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
