I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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