consequently i now know what mace tastes like
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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