Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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