Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
