she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
