i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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