omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
