yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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