You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
