if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
