when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
