woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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