I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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