just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize