last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
