That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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