bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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