He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
