omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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