I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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