I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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