i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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