I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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