so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
