That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
