I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
