from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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