He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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