remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
