I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
