Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
