i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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