If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she told me i tasted like america
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
