The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
