I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
