I heard we made out
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
