Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
