he wants to bone in the snuggie
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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