i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
