It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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