how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
