Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
