On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
