I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
