Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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