just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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