if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
