Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The beer is more important than you right now.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
