She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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