yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
