you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
