guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just had sex on a roof
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
