he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
