Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
