i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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