two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
