i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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