in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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