Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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