That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
