the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
