We're facebook friends in real life
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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