does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize