just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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