My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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