farters have to be the big spoon...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
