we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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