my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
