she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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