first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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