i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
