We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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