Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
