I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
barbara walters just said penis...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
