why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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